8/26/2015
By Linda Alberts
For many children, their first dance with adversity takes place in a sports setting, whether it’s a field, rink or court. One lesson children will take with them through life is that hard work doesn’t guarantee a reward – at least not the reward they had in mind.
They will come to this realization the first time their team doesn’t win a game despite giving an all-out effort. They will face this lesson again when they don’t make the team after the hours of practice and sweat.
As adults, they will face this harsh truth when they don’t get a job they interviewed for, are passed over for a promotion, or face any other disappointment despite their hard work.
What may seem to be a loss or unfair outcome is actually an opportunity to gain a new perspective in the face of difficult situations.
“For a child, not getting the reward they think they deserve isn’t a fun lesson to learn. Sports are one of the first activities to teach us that things don’t always go as planned,” says Dr. Renee Mapes, a licensed psychologist and Certified Sport Psychology Consultant (CC-AASP) through the Association for Applied Sport Psychology. “There will be bumps in the road, and that’s ok. Parents are in a prime position to teach kids how to appreciate adversity, and that they can learn a lot from disappointments.”
Kids need to learn how to navigate through disappointment. Mapes says one of the best ways to teach them how to do so is by seeing parents model the right behavior.
“Children hear what we say but more often they see what we do,” says Mapes, who owns Driven, which offers sport psychology and performance enhancement services to athletes, performers, coaches and teams at all skill and competitive levels.
The message parents verbally communicate with their child has to match their actions. It would only confuse a child if their parent discussed using disappointment as a learning tool, then shouted about bad calls from the stands.
“Entitlement is one of the broad range of symptoms that have come with the professionalization in youth sports,” Mapes says. “Kids who haven’t learned how to deal with adversity when things don’t go their way are more likely to give up on a sport sooner.”
Instead, young athletes should focus on the process, Mapes says. They should put their effort into learning skills, teamwork and working on what their coach says.
“It’s easy for kids to get frustrated when they’re externally focused,” says Mapes. “It’s better to focus on the process than what their record is going to be for the season.”
Mapes offers these tips to help parents teach their child how to appreciate adversity: